Friday, September 30, 2005

Da Cabinet


Help wanted, brah!

3 Free Downloads...just sign your life, I mean name on the dotted line.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

They made me an offer I couldn't refuse



Indicted!!!! Bitch...

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Make me an offer I can't refuse

High school band interprets DJ Shadow
--thanks Striz

Monday, September 26, 2005

Stay Fly


Gay biker bidders wanted.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Dinner Served

Monday, September 19, 2005


Hippie vacation...make your bid now!!

Hamburglar


Survival Guide For Taking A Dump At Work

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, follow the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.

ESCAPEE

Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE)

Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH

Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME

Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER

Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)

Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS

Definition: Seldom-used bathrooms somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR

Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH

Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE

Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON.

Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET

Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED

Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

FLY BY

Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Just a tip

I think this really sums up the last 5 years in this note...he serious asks permission to take a piss...WOW! Why am I not surprised though?

Chicago and E-Town know the dill

So you want to be a Hooter's Girl?

Here's a fun game: Crimes in your neighborhood

Monday, September 12, 2005

I sleep too close to the power lines


Boy wonder scores $3.6 million record deal...good luck with that one Sony.

Why am I not surprised. Conflict of interest? Naw...

Great thread on the Soulstrut message board of the 10 most overrated athletes of all time.

Here's my top 10

1. Brian "The Boz" Bosworth
2. Ryan Leaf
3. Cade McNown (I heard he works at Walmart now)
4. Eric Lindros
5. Jayson "Motorcycle" Williams
6. Kerry "Winston Gimp" Wood
7. Sam "Drafted before Jordan" Bowie
8. Tony Mandarich
9. Kwame Brown
10. Michael Olowokandi

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Can't we all just get along

Common is a racist 'bitch'

Its BAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK

The OC!!!!!!!!

Google Fun 4 All

1. Go to Google.com
2. Type in "failure" without the quotes
3. Press "I'm feeling lucky" button.

Magic!

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

George Bush Doesn't Care About Black People

Kanye doesn't like George Bush and officially has huge balls to say it on live TV.

Perhaps the best part of Kanye's rant about the lack of support from our government and portrayal in the media was cutting to Chris Tucker following Kanye's comments.

Link to the clip here

One of the most intriguing opinion pieces regarding this entire debacle...

RIP Lil' Buddy

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Apocalypse?



Do you need any further proof about what kind of job ole George is doing.....

Taken from Drudge Report.com

Eyewitness: Sec of State Condi Rice laughs it up at 'Spamalot' while Gulf Coast lays in tatters. Theater goers on New York' City's Great White Way were shocked to see the President's former National Security Advisor at the Monty Python farce last night -- as the rest of the cabinet responds to Hurricane Katrina...